- Final Fantasy 1 does NOT look better on an HDTV
- FF1 has the plotting of the very best Uwe Boll film
- Playing a 20 year old role-playing game when married and in your late twenties can be humiliating.
- Bring a cup. Keep telling yourself the White Mage was a good idea.
- Hell will be filled with random encounters, only you can’t drink your way through them.
- The Sea Scorpion was the worst idea ever – only to be eclipsed by Sarah Palin.
- Searching barrels, pots, wells, and fountains will leave you with a secret message telling you to kill. Resist the urge.
- The class change is not nearly as exciting as you remember. Yes, the rat’s tail is still WTF OMG before WTF OMG was WTF OMG.
- If you ever find Oxyale, give it to chicks and they’ll give you a submarine. This has happened for me 100% of the times that I’ve tried it.
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