Rewarding Stupidity and the Most Tempting Enemy Ever

The first time I played through FF IV, it took awhile. I tell myself when I remember it that I was enjoying myself so much that I was savoring every battle and exploration. I was searching every nook and cranny for that one little thing that no one had discovered in my brand new, bright and shiny red copy of the game.

Were cries of "can I have the strategy guide!?" met with "get a job!"? Yes.

So I wandered. Through my wanderings, I thought about many things, including naming my first born ZUU (all caps). Boy or girl. Through these wanderings, I did something that I didn't do this time through - I gained levels by accident. Unlike when I lost my virginity, not knowing where to go or what I was doing was an advantage.

Once you can play a game while sitting in another room, you don't have the tendency to take your time.

RPG's as a rule actually for the most part, reward stupidity in a unique way. The willingness to play long enough actually yields results - unlike the time I lost my virginity.

Aside from my mad love affair with the Hellgaroo, I think I've found my second favorite FF enemy. The Tricker is an enemy that doesn't do anything except cast "Scan" on himself, notifying the user of what is weakness is. It's always Bolt - tempting you, sitting there, waiting for you, begging you to cast Bolt on him. He's the same graphic as the weakest enemy in the game, the imp, floating in the air. Like grandma's candy that looks sooooo yummy after that long drive to her house, even though you know it will taste like licorice and mothballs - it's still impossibly tempting.

For the record, there's a reason he has 11,000 hit points and the maximum damage one can inflict is 9999. It only just now occurs to me. It's because the developers hate you. They don't know you, oh, but they hate you.

Top 10 FF enemies (not bosses):

1.) Hellgaroo
2.) Tricker
3.) Behemoth
4.) ZUU
5.) EvilMask
6.) Malboro
7.) Okay, so I only got 6.
8.) I'll revise it later
9.) There's still seven games left
10.) Don't judge me

UPDATE: (7.28.09) MIND has to be added to this list. Just "MIND". Yes, it's weird and creepy, and sounds like an S & M porn star who wears glasses, is emotionless, and sits in a chair while the porn goes on around him. MIND. Creepy.
UPDATE: Fan Wizard